Enter Now! Tooth Fairy, Schmooth Fairy: A Completely Ridiculous Sort of Contest…

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free….” Better yet, give me your humorous, heartwarming or even harrowing tooth stories if you must. Your KIDS’ tooth loss stories, more specifically. ‘Cause I wanna read ‘em. Yep. I do. There will be prizes for the most engaging tales, of course; beyond the sheer joy you’ll experience upon entering. But you knew that.

That being said, I want to hear the most fabulously entertaining (yet entirely factual) blurbages (good, bad or indifferent) concerning those wiggly, squiggly teeth that your heathens keep pestering you with. That may or may not include such topics as the grand events leading up to the tooth loss, the momentous occasion of the actual tooth loss, weird and wonderful conversations you’ve had with your children regarding said loss, strange and interesting circumstances or places they’ve lost a tooth as well as ANY AND ALL RELATED TOOTH FAIRY ISSUES. I repeat: ANY AND ALL.

“Why?” you might ask. Why would I be interested in hearing about such foolish tripe—especially given that MY heathens are hopelessly immersed in the losing-of-the-teeth thing right now and can be credited with driving me completely berzy with their nonsense? The answer is threefold, my compadres.

1) I want to be entertained. Despite having innumerable deadlines as well as an abundance of wifely and mommy-related duties, I am bored out of my mind and need something of substance to thoroughly amuse me—as in you must make me fall out of my chair and writhe about on the floor in hysterics (if that was your intent). However, if you propose to warm my heart with your tender prose, please share with me something completely touching as it relates to said topic (i.e. make me reach for the tissues and sniffle profusely). Similarly, if you plan to describe a decidedly harrowing tooth loss experience involving your child, that’s perfectly fine; but do it well and employ good judgment. Just don’t disturb me too greatly. I frighten easily and have very little interest in being plagued by nightmares of a toothy nature. Okay, NO interest at all.
2) I love you. I really do. You’re utterly brilliant as bloggers go and in fact, you…complete…me. Almost. Seriously, I can envision no other audience as deserving as you are—collectively, that is. There WILL be prizes, for those of you who haven’t been paying attention. Infinitely MAGNIFICENT prizes. The top three essays (OF 300 WORDS OR LESS) will earn three lucky individuals (ages 18 or older, residing in the continental U.S.) a copy of You Think It’s Easy Being the Tooth Fairy?—a humorous picture book written by my friend (and outstandingly clever author), Sheri Bell-Rehwoldt (Chronicle Books). Plus, February happens to be National Children’s Dental Health Month, so it’s doubly good. Trust me.
3) I’m sick to death of listening to the political hokum on Fox News. “So turn the channel to something with less spin and more substance, you fool!” you might logically suggest. Alas, I cannot pry myself from the pitiful commentary and small-minded stupidity contained therein. It’s as if I’m drawn to that-which-makes-me-hurl. Please save me from myself by submitting an essay today! Perhaps then I’ll have good reason to divert my attention elsewhere.

Please direct all entries to me at info@notesfromplanetmom.com and provide me not only with an essay as described above (not to exceed 300 words), but also your real name, e-mail address and physical address (i.e. where you’d like the free book to be shipped—should you be chosen as a winner, and don’t forget your zip code).

PLEASE NOTE: DO NOT SUBMIT YOUR ESSAY AS A COMMENT ON THIS BLOG POST (although you are encouraged to boast here—liberally—about planning to send me something truly maaaavelous in the near future). The winning entries will most likely appear on Planet Mom Blog sometime in March for your pure and unadulterated enjoyment.

DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSIONS: MIDNIGHT EST, FRIDAY, MARCH 7, 2008. Mark your calendar, Skippy.

LIMIT ONE ENTRY PER PERSON (I know each and every one of you could easily send me half a dozen or more fascinating accounts, torn straight from the pages of your never-a-dull-moment sort of lives, which is genuinely admirable and oh-so-generous of you; but please, please resist the compulsion and share just ONE of your toothy tales instead—make sure it’s your favorite!)

Planet Mom: It’s where I live. Visit me there at www.notesfromplanetmom.com.

Copyright 2008 Melinda L. Wentzel