Planet Mom Blog

You Think It’s Easy Being the Tooth Fairy?

Think again. I just made the poor woman’s job infinitely more difficult by insisting that she not only keep up with her own nightly duties (i.e. zooming hither and yon by the light of the moon), but that she also carve out some time to judge a boatload of submissions for the Tooth Fairy, Schmooth Fairy contest I held here recently. What can I say—I’m a lazy, snaggletoothed schmuck. I dumped a sinful burden on the Easter Bunny over the weekend, too. But that’s another story.

At any rate, the vast and wonderful array of entries have, in fact, been properly assessed and although the task of selecting just three winners was an exceedingly grueling process, that winged creature of celebrated lore succeeded in the end.

The lucky trio (whose submissions are highlighted below) will each receive a copy of You Think It’s Easy Being the Tooth Fairy?—a humorous picture book written by my friend (and outstandingly clever author), Sheri Bell-Rehwoldt (Chronicle Books). Thank you, Sheri, for making this possible (and for dreaming up that “…spunky spitfire of a redheaded tooth fairy…” in the first place!!)

AND THE WINNERS ARE… (drumroll, please…)

Queen Linda (aka Linda Marie Ford of It’s Good to be the Queen)

HER MAGNIFICENT ENTRY:

Yesterday Prince Christopher informed me, “You lied to me, Mommy.”

“Really? About what, my sweetness and light?”

“You said I would lose a tooth when I’m six, and I haven’t and you are a liar.”

“Are ya still six, sweetie? Huh? Are ya? I believe you will be seven in October so that gives you about seven months to lose a tooth the old fashioned way. Or you can keep calling me a liar and you can lose one now. What’s it gonna be?”

“Oh yeah, I’m still six. I’m sorry, Mommy.”

“That’s okay, babe.”

“Hey Mommy, you have never lied to me, have you?”

“Not that you know of, darling.”

Helen Traphagan

HER FABULOUS ENTRY:

My five-year-old son was getting jealous because his older brother had lost several teeth and he hadn’t lost any. So, being the type of child he is—always thinking outside the box—he got his brother’s Tooth Fairy box and sat down with a piece of paper to cut out a small PAPER tooth. He thought he was really going to pull one over on that silly Tooth Fairy. He put the box under his pillow, and I wish I had a camera for the look on his face the next morning when he woke up and found in place of the paper tooth a PAPER QUARTER, lovingly put there by the Tooth Fairy.

Tina Hayes

HER STUPENDOUS ENTRY:

Unfortunately, I cannot claim this factual tale as one from my three sons, but it is from one of my three nephews. Todd, the middle child, of course was sleeping soundly. My sister-in-law was stealthy attempting to do what she had done numerous times before—make the exchange of marrow for moolah. As she gently lay the coins on the dresser, Todd awakens. His eyes are blurry; a distant look comes across his face. My sister-in-law pauses. What now? Will the Tooth Fairy identity be forever revealed? Will civilization end as we know it? Todd nods off. She escapes and awaits the revelation in the morning. Morning approaches, Todd runs from his room, she awaits the dreaded words, but instead hears, “Mommy, I saw the Tooth Fairy last night and she looks just like YOU!!”

What can you say but, “Really?!?”

***************************************************

Needless to say, a slew of other really talented folks from near and far (Rhode Island to Texas!) also sent me their glowing prose in hopes that they would earn one of those coveted toothy prizes. And I thank you, dear contestants, for participating and for making the contest even more spirited and colorful than I had imagined. I know the Tooth Fairy herself was duly impressed with your offerings. Especially memorable to me was the touching Alaska vacation story as well as the chronicle relating a first tooth loss, during surgery of all things! And I really got a charge out of the amusing tale of the little girl who tried to cash in by claiming to have lost a tooth, but in actuality it was her sister’s! And there was the hysterically funny account involving a Grandma and her false teeth. “If the Tooth Fairy left you $5, I’ll bet Grandma is rolling in the dough this morning with all those teeth!”

That being said, I think all concerned will appreciate knowing that I was awakened this morning at 4:53 am, not to the irksome blasts of my alarm clock or to the incessant yappings of my dog that had to pee, but to my child, who felt compelled to share with me the news of yet another wiggly tooth. Oddly enough, I was not permitted to actually WITNESS said wiggliness there in the dark, nor could I test the validity of the claim myself with a finger. I just had to be content in the knowledge and happy to have been included among those who received the bulletin.

I think it’s safe to say I was privy to the early edition of said newsflash.

Good Lord.

Planet Mom: It’s where I live. Visit me there at www.notesfromplanetmom.com.

Copyright 2008 Melinda L. Wentzel

Enter Now! Tooth Fairy, Schmooth Fairy: A Completely Ridiculous Sort of Contest…

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free….” Better yet, give me your humorous, heartwarming or even harrowing tooth stories if you must. Your KIDS’ tooth loss stories, more specifically. ‘Cause I wanna read ‘em. Yep. I do. There will be prizes for the most engaging tales, of course; beyond the sheer joy you’ll experience upon entering. But you knew that.

That being said, I want to hear the most fabulously entertaining (yet entirely factual) blurbages (good, bad or indifferent) concerning those wiggly, squiggly teeth that your heathens keep pestering you with. That may or may not include such topics as the grand events leading up to the tooth loss, the momentous occasion of the actual tooth loss, weird and wonderful conversations you’ve had with your children regarding said loss, strange and interesting circumstances or places they’ve lost a tooth as well as ANY AND ALL RELATED TOOTH FAIRY ISSUES. I repeat: ANY AND ALL.

“Why?” you might ask. Why would I be interested in hearing about such foolish tripe—especially given that MY heathens are hopelessly immersed in the losing-of-the-teeth thing right now and can be credited with driving me completely berzy with their nonsense? The answer is threefold, my compadres.

1) I want to be entertained. Despite having innumerable deadlines as well as an abundance of wifely and mommy-related duties, I am bored out of my mind and need something of substance to thoroughly amuse me—as in you must make me fall out of my chair and writhe about on the floor in hysterics (if that was your intent). However, if you propose to warm my heart with your tender prose, please share with me something completely touching as it relates to said topic (i.e. make me reach for the tissues and sniffle profusely). Similarly, if you plan to describe a decidedly harrowing tooth loss experience involving your child, that’s perfectly fine; but do it well and employ good judgment. Just don’t disturb me too greatly. I frighten easily and have very little interest in being plagued by nightmares of a toothy nature. Okay, NO interest at all.
2) I love you. I really do. You’re utterly brilliant as bloggers go and in fact, you…complete…me. Almost. Seriously, I can envision no other audience as deserving as you are—collectively, that is. There WILL be prizes, for those of you who haven’t been paying attention. Infinitely MAGNIFICENT prizes. The top three essays (OF 300 WORDS OR LESS) will earn three lucky individuals (ages 18 or older, residing in the continental U.S.) a copy of You Think It’s Easy Being the Tooth Fairy?—a humorous picture book written by my friend (and outstandingly clever author), Sheri Bell-Rehwoldt (Chronicle Books). Plus, February happens to be National Children’s Dental Health Month, so it’s doubly good. Trust me.
3) I’m sick to death of listening to the political hokum on Fox News. “So turn the channel to something with less spin and more substance, you fool!” you might logically suggest. Alas, I cannot pry myself from the pitiful commentary and small-minded stupidity contained therein. It’s as if I’m drawn to that-which-makes-me-hurl. Please save me from myself by submitting an essay today! Perhaps then I’ll have good reason to divert my attention elsewhere.

Please direct all entries to me at info@notesfromplanetmom.com and provide me not only with an essay as described above (not to exceed 300 words), but also your real name, e-mail address and physical address (i.e. where you’d like the free book to be shipped—should you be chosen as a winner, and don’t forget your zip code).

PLEASE NOTE: DO NOT SUBMIT YOUR ESSAY AS A COMMENT ON THIS BLOG POST (although you are encouraged to boast here—liberally—about planning to send me something truly maaaavelous in the near future). The winning entries will most likely appear on Planet Mom Blog sometime in March for your pure and unadulterated enjoyment.

DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSIONS: MIDNIGHT EST, FRIDAY, MARCH 7, 2008. Mark your calendar, Skippy.

LIMIT ONE ENTRY PER PERSON (I know each and every one of you could easily send me half a dozen or more fascinating accounts, torn straight from the pages of your never-a-dull-moment sort of lives, which is genuinely admirable and oh-so-generous of you; but please, please resist the compulsion and share just ONE of your toothy tales instead—make sure it’s your favorite!)

Planet Mom: It’s where I live. Visit me there at www.notesfromplanetmom.com.

Copyright 2008 Melinda L. Wentzel

And the Winners Are…

Well the entries are in, the votes have been cast and I have fallen out of my chair numerous times while perusing the gamut of brilliant submissions in the Kooky Planet Mom Contest held right here on Planet Mom—well, not literally on Planet Mom—but you get the idea. A hearty “thank you” goes out to all who participated in this silly-ass what-is-parenthood-anyway competition. Not surprisingly, every last one of the entries had redeeming qualities (i.e. showcasing some strange and wonderful talents, to include cramming all that is parenthood into a tidy little package—the acronym).

Please recall that contestants were asked to make me laugh, make me howl with delight, make me fall out of my chair and writhe about on the floor in complete hysterics (did each of those) and to make me snort from my nose (did that, too) whatever I happened to have been drinking at the time in response to reading an original acronym for the word PARENT. In brief, people were instructed to think up some really hilarious yet based in truth descriptors/words that embody what they thought of when considering the term PARENT.

The top five submissions are posted below and the folks who created them will be awarded a free Franklin and the Turtle Lake Treasure DVD shortly. Read at your own risk (I strongly urge you to put down the bagel and coffee).

Thanks again to all who dared to submit an entry, and to my husband who (with boundless enthusiasm—not) helped design such a zany contest! I hope to have more in the future (more meaning: birthdays, fame and fortune, great sex…oh, and more ridiculous contests of a similar nature).

Sincerely,

Planet Mom

#1) Elizabeth from Table for Five (http://table4five.net)

P is for Persistent (When trying to jam sandals onto the feet of a wiggling toddler or when insisting that an eight year old boy quit playing around and just get out of the damn shower already)

A is for Astounding (For when we are simultaneously cooking dinner, balancing a toddler on our hip, talking to our husband on the phone, and listening to another child recite the plots of entire episodes of SpongeBob)

R is for Rolling (As in, letting comments from strangers and well-meaning relatives regarding how we are parenting our children just roll off of our backs, i.e. when my Great-Aunt suggested that we start TAPING my one month old's ears back at night so they wouldn't stick out)

E is for Enterprising (Another word for resourceful, for when we can make dinner for four out of a box of macaroni, half a bag of frozen peas, two chicken legs and a can of cream soup)

N is for Naughty (For when we are lucky enough to convince family members to take the kids overnight and we get to do things with our husbands that we definitely can't do if there's even a CHANCE that a kid might wake up, get out of bed and come wandering in to the room)

T is for Time (Of which we never EVER get enough, one minute they are newborns and the next minute you are sobbing as you drop them off at Kindergarten)

#2) Catizhere (Catizhere.blogspot.com)

P - Piggy-toe biter (What *is* it about baby-toes that make you need to nibble on them?)

A - A$$ wiper? No. Too gross.
Antagonist. Nothing gets Maggie out of my kitchen faster than telling her that Will is in the living room playing with her Dora the Explorer doll.

R - Re-applier of 50 SPF sun block on a squirmy 10 month old.

E – Enthusiastic “Why, YES! I would *love* to have a tea party with you!” Nothing better than plastic cookies and invisible tea while sitting on a stool built for a 4 year old’s bottom. While said four year old is donning white, satin Easter gloves and a floppy, neon green, furry hat.

N – Negotiator “You may have a cupcake after you’ve finished your dinner. No, eating 3 peas and one bite of meat does NOT count.”

T – Tucker-Inner/Teller of Bedtime Stories My favorite time of day. Smelling of Strawberry-smoothie shampoo; all tucked in (the “Special Mommy-Tuck-Tuck”; soft light from the lamp on the dresser; tick-tick-tick of the metal pull chain hitting the globe on the ceiling fan; hearing her breathing smooth out and slow; that wonderful, dreamy smile on her face as she drifts off, and a breathy little, “Night-night Mommy, I love you, too.”

Parent. The Best. Job. EVAH!

#3) Kentucky Gal (http://www.selectablog.com/familyhomeworkshop) This one even rhymes!!

P - patience beyond measure
A - anxiety off the grid
R - restful nights are but a dream
E - early gray hairs on the head
N - nowhere else they'd rather be
T - teachers working without fee

#4) Christine (http://www.thebeanblog.com)

P = Peed on. I think most of us parents have been peed on at least once in our parenting careers.

A = Action Figures. Maybe it's because I have so many boys, but I feel like action figures are running my life. I step on them in the hallway. I shower with them in the bathroom. I purchase them at the store. I watch them on our TV. Ever since I became a parent they've taken over my life.

R = Rich. *laughing hysterically* Ok, so we're not exactly rich with money, but we're sure rich with love. Can I get an "awww?"

E = Embarrassing. You might not think you're embarrassing, but that's because you don't have teenagers yet. Trust me, teenagers will remind you of this often, probably daily.

N = Needs a drink. I don't know how sober parents to do it. My kids have driven me to find a babysitter and have a few margaritas with my girlfriends on several occasions.

T = Tired. Need I say more? In fact I need to go take a nap right now.

#5) Christa Teller

P- Patience
(Like when your little angel decides he’s gong to help… Cook- by unwrapping all your butter and emptying a ketchup bottle into a pan; Garden- by digging up weeds (actually flowers b/c they look the same to him); Change sisters’ diapers- b/c there’s 2 babies, they are poopie, and you just left the room to get diapers… too bad he doesn’t know how to run the carpet shampooer)

A- All-Knowing
(Like when my 3yo son while in the bath asked- “Mom, why does it float?” Like I am supposed to know… I’m a girl “Because it doesn’t have bones, dear.” Sounds good… As parents we know everything about many topics… of course, until they become teenagers, and then we are All-Stupid.)

R- Referee
(Here is the line, if you cross the line, that is a foul, and I will call a time out. Here are the rules. If you are unable to follow these rules you will find your tush warm on the bench, and if you do not play well with others, you will be red carded for unacceptable conduct and will be unable to participate in current activities.)

E- Encourager
(Illuminating unconditional love, allowing our children to grow as individuals. To motivate, inspire and or persuade, at times this requires creativity in order to sway one to believe the action desired was one’s own idea. Other times it is simply praise and rewards… or just plain bribery- “if you lose your attitude, not your temper, then you will find your play-station.” Either way they still grow :-D)

N- Nurse
(Goddess of Band-Aids, Momma’s Magic “Rub-it-out’s”, Spoon full of feel better and Kisser of boo-boos… except for those within those special places that would cause months if not years of therapy- for those there is medicine candy that fix the boo-boo each time.)

T- Time-manager
(wake up, change diapers, feed breakfast to four, eat soggy left over cereal and
wipe yogurt off faces, take 2yo off cabinets, clean up, bathe, dress 3, approve 4th, pjs in wash, set up activities, turn on Disney, get markers out of VCR, make snacks, clean up, make lunch, write lists- hunny do, grocery, “no you cannot wrap your sisters in aluminum foil”, put babies down for naps, put 2yo down- sing “sunshine mommy”, clean crayon off walls- thank goodness for Mr. Clean Magic sponges, do wash, set out/prep dinner, wake up naptime sleepers, snack, dance time, clean up, outside play, run errands, prepare dinner, put away clothes, “no you can’t spray your sister with spray and wash again”, feed dinner to 5, eat cold dinner, clean up dinner, family time, bath time, story time, song time, bed time, me time, kiss hubby… oh “fudge a duck!,” I forgot to brush my teeth again… well I almost got the time management thing down.)

WHAT: Totally Cool Franklin and the Turtle Lake Treasure DVD Giveaway/Really Kooky Planet Mom Contest!!

WHEN: Now until Monday, June 4th

DEADLINE TO SUBMIT: Monday, June 4th (11:59 pm EST)

5 GRAND PRIZES: Franklin and the Turtle Lake Treasure DVD!!! (Franklin is the hit character on Noggin and this title’s release is an all new adventure that can only be found on video on May 22nd!! The film is rated G and runs for the glorious sum of 76 minutes!)

LIMIT: One entry per person, dog, cat or parakeet (Just kidding, you must be human and at least 18 to enter)

HOW TO ENTER: E-mail me at info@notesfromplanetmom.com (no attachments please)…Translation: The pitiful clutter/incoming heapage of snail mail that exists on my kitchen counter will prevent me from ever examining your entry in a timely manner…so e-mail is of course the preferred method.

COOL INFO ABOUT THE FLICK: Franklin and the Turtle Lake Treasure takes our turtle friend Franklin on holiday, where he gets a surprise visit from his Aunt Lucy, an explorer who loves to find archaeological treasures. Franklin’s Granny is delighted by this family reunion, which stirs up memories from her own childhood. She begins telling Franklin all the exciting details of her life, but also recants on the sad day when her parents died in a forest fire. The memory brings up another secret fact: Granny had hidden and buried a box filled with treasures long ago. Franklin is very intrigued by this hidden treasure. With the help of all of his friends along with Aunt Lucy and her headstrong goddaughter Samantha, Franklin goes on a mission to find his Granny’s treasure.

HOW TO WIN: Create your very own acronym for the word PARENT (i.e. think up some really hilarious yet based in truth descriptors/words that embody what you think of when you consider the term PARENT). Please note, each descriptor/word must begin with each of the letters that make up the word PARENT. Also note, you may add brief detail to your chosen word in parentheses (see example below).

FOR EXAMPLE:

P = POOPIEHEADED (Admittedly, at times—like when I tossed a pee-soaked diaper down a flight of stairs to save time and energy)

A = AMAZING (Because we just are, that’s why—we should wear capes)

R = RESOURCEFUL (Especially when we utilize juuuuust the right amount of saliva to rub off ketchup and whatever else happens to be smeared on the corners of our kids’ mouths—while convincing onlookers that we didn’t, in fact, just spit on our children)

E = ENTHUSIASTIC (Even during the 427th reading of that dreadfully boring bedtime favorite)

N = NIFTY (Until our progenies reach adolescence, that is; then we suddenly morph to “nerdy” status)

T = TARZANLIKE (Particularly when we rescue kitties from treetops and sweep three-headed monsters from under beds)

So that’s my acronym-ish blurb. Send me yours immediately—or sooner. While you’re at it, be sure to make me laugh. Make me howl with delight. Make me fall out of my chair and writhe about on the floor in complete hysterics. Make me snort from my nose whatever I happen to be drinking at the time….

Can’t wait to see your kooky entry!

Sincerely,

Planet Mom